In Another Life
by pearly-mist
Summary: One split second decision can change everything, and Tris knows that better than anyone else. She chose to take her brother's place, but what happens next might surprise you. This is my alternate ending to Allegiant. [COMPLETE]
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** There are two reasons why I've decided to come out of my long-time writer's hiatus to bring you this alternate ending to the much loved Divergent series. The first and most important reason, of course, is because of Tris' death – because you can't have Fourtris without the Tris, and a world without Fourtris is a very, _very_ sad one. I think that Tris' actions leading up to her death were very much in character, and given that she was unarmed and alone, it would've been _more _unbelievable if she'd made it out alive. But do I think that ultimately, her death was unnecessary and avoidable? Yes. The second thing that I want to change is the way that Caleb turned out – before his betrayal, he was one of my favourite characters, and I was desperately hoping that he'd redeem himself in _Allegiant_- instead, he let his sister walk to her death and didn't intervene. _Again. _

I wrote this mainly for myself and my best friend, but I decided to upload and share it with you all as well – hopefully my alternate ending doesn't break your heart as much as the original version!

**Disclaimer: **The Divergent series, original plot and characters were all lovingly created by Veronica Roth. You will recognise some of the narrative and dialogue from _Allegiant_ here, but otherwise, everything else was written by me.

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**Chapter 47: Tris**

"_When I look at him, I don't see the cowardly young man who sold me out to Jeanine Matthews, and I don't hear the excuses he gave afterward._

_When I look at him, I see the boy who held my hand in the hospital when our mother broke her wrist and told me it would be all right. I see the brother who told me to make my own choices, the night before Choosing Ceremony. I think of all the remarkable things he is – smart and enthusiastic and observant, quiet and earnest and kind."_

And suddenly the words I spoke to him a few days ago ring in my ear, like an accusation: _I would never deliver you to your own execution_. But isn't that what I'm doing now, leading him to a place from which I know he'll never return? I look into his green eyes, wide with fear, and see the desperation that must have been in my own eyes when Peter came to collect me for my execution at Erudite headquarters. And I know what I must do.

"Caleb, give me the backpack."

Caleb's eyes widen further, if that's even possible, and he shifts slightly so that he faces me, the backpack out of my reach. "No." He sets his jaw, and when he repeats himself, I hear a hardness in his voice that wasn't there before. "No, Tris, I'm not going to let you die this time."

I pull myself up straighter – not that it makes much of a difference – and look him squarely in the eye, trying to reason with him, to appeal to the logical side of his Erudite mind. "Listen, Caleb, if you go in there, you won't survive." He winces at the reminder. "But I've managed to resist all the other serums so far – there's a chance that I might survive this one."

I see him weighing up my argument, see his shoulders go slack, and I think that I've convinced him. But something flashes in his eyes – determination? – and he shakes his head. "There's also a chance you might not. I can't risk it."

"Caleb-"

"Drop your weapons, or we will fire!"

I'd forgotten about the guards down the hallway, and they are too close for comfort now. We scramble around the corner, momentarily protected, but Caleb glances over his shoulder, wary of the armed men approaching us. In that moment of distraction, I swing around and elbow him in the gut without warning - I'm smaller than him, but I'm still stronger, and he wasn't prepared. He slams into the wall and falls on the ground, hard, and I seize the opportunity to yank the backpack off his shoulders. As my mouth moves past his ear, I whisper, "I love you, you know. And I forgive you."

He looks at me, and I can see the fight has gone out of his eyes. At first, I think it's sadness that is reflected in them instead, but then I realise that no, it isn't sadness. It's grief. The look you give someone you know is going to die, and there's nothing you can do to save them. "I love you too, Tris."

I haul the backpack onto my shoulder, stand up, and fire three shots around the corner – enough to slow down the guards, but not to kill. I stand and turn to leave, but something tugs at the back of my mind, Tobias' voice – _I don't know if you can understand what it was like to wake up alone, and know that you had gone_ – and my breath catches in my throat. "Tell Tobias...tell Tobias that I didn't want to leave him."

Then I'm gone.

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What did you think guys? I tried my best to tap into Tris' voice, but I'd appreciate any feedback to help improve my writing for the next few chapters! Please note, though, that I won't be re-writing Tobias' scenes with his mother - I think they were fine as they are.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone who was kind enough to leave a review for the last chapter – the feedback has been beyond what I could have hoped for and I'm really glad I got the chance to share this with all of you!

As I mentioned at the end of the last chapter, I don't really have an issue with how Tobias resolved the Allegiant vs. Evelyn situation, so I'm going to leave that as it is and just skip onto my next Tris-centric chapter.

Happy reading!

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**Chapter 49: Tris**

I sprint towards the Weapons Lab, pushing myself to run harder, faster. I haven't gotten very far when I hear some sort of commotion behind me - a couple of gunshots echo through the hallways, and I hear muffled grunts and shouts. Too late, I realise Caleb has nothing to defend himself with and I falter in my steps, about to turn back. Almost as soon as the thought crosses my mind, I already know that there's no time to go back for him - if the guards catch up with me, I'll be outnumbered and all of our sacrifices will be for nothing. The best I can hope for is that they'll quickly realise _I'm_ the one they need to stop, and leave him alone.

The doors leading into the lab come into sight and for the first time, an uneasy feeling settles in my stomach. Why isn't there anyone guarding the doors? It seems like an uncharacteristic oversight, for David to leave the entrance unattended when they haven't had time to repair the damage from the invasion. I shake my head and try to push away the doubt – most likely, they figured there was no need to guard the serums when everyone will be in lockdown anyway. I focus on removing the explosives from Caleb's backpack and attach them to the double doors that seal off the Weapons Lab, pressing the detonator once I'm a safe distance away. The force of the explosion sends me careening into a wall, and it takes a few moments for me to recover from the shock. When I make my way back to the entrance, careful not to trip over the debris, nothing seems out of place, so either the death serum was a lie, or it's not something that you can see, smell or feel.

Seconds after I have the thought, an acrid smell burns my nose, working its way down my throat and into my lungs, giving the sensation that all the air there has been pushed out and replaced with acid instead. I choose this moment to remember that Matthew's protective suit is back down the hallway, out of reach and now completely useless.

It doesn't take long for the death serum to take effect – I can already feel myself slowing down, like I'm trying to crawl through mud, and a voice beckons me towards the warm, comforting darkness. _This is exhausting, _I think, and the voice replies, _Isn't it, Tris? Wouldn't it be nice to let it all go?_ A thought stirs somewhere in the back of my mind, just out of reach, but I don't have enough strength to focus on it. I try to swallow and find that I can't – my throat has closed over and it feels like someone has wedged their fist in there. _Come on, Tris, _the voice sings, _Just let it all go. _And I almost do – I almost give in, but the thought at the back of my mind is persistent, grounding me, tugging at the distant corners of my mind, fighting for attention. I force myself to breathe – _in, out, in, out_ – and with each breath, the fogginess recedes a little. I picture Tobias' face this morning as he told me he loved me, his voice full of hope for the future that we could – that we _will- _build for ourselves once this is all over. And I know that I have to fight this, not just for me, but for all of us – Tobias, Caleb, Cara, Christina and Matthew. We've been left behind too many times already.

So I pull Tobias' face from my memory, fix it at the centre of my thoughts, haul myself off the floor, and push open the doors to the Weapons Lab. And I find out that death is not the hardest thing I will have to fight today.

Of all the things I expected to see amongst the virus devices, David is not one of them. But he is here, and he has his gun trained on me, his lips pressed so tightly together that his mouth has become a thin line. "Hello, Tris," he says. "I'd very much like it if you put down that gun." I comply, setting the gun down by my feet and raising my hands in surrender. Oddly, I realise that it's not fear I feel, at this moment. It's not shock, either – although admittedly, there _is_ some of that too – it's relief. I'm glad that it is me here, that it is me, and not my brother, who has never been trained to be violent, never had the chance to hone his survival instincts.

"What are you-"

"What am I doing here? Come now, Tris, I wasn't born yesterday. Did you really think that I wouldn't notice you spending all your time scurrying around with your genetically damaged friends, that you sought out Nita even though you should have no reason to, and that one of my trucks is missing, along with a couple of people with questionable motives? I might not have been raised in Erudite, but I think I'm quite capable of doing a little addition." He smiles, but there is no humour in the movement of his lips.

I know I'm trapped, so I run through my options, trying to buy some time until I can figure out how to get to the box with the memory serum virus. I consider what would placate him more – a carefully constructed lie, or the truth. I decide to test the waters with a safe topic – my mother. "My mother addressed a lot of her letters to you," I begin, and I can see that the direction of the conversation confuses him, "did you...did you love her?"

A muscle in his jaw twitches, and I know what his answer will be before he answers. "Yes."

He narrows his eyes and looks like he wants to say something else, but I don't let him continue. "She caused you a lot of pain, didn't she? Or, more specifically, your _memories_ of her are painful. But given the chance, would you wipe it all from your mind? Would you sacrifice all of it – good _and_ bad, rather than live with the knowledge that she didn't choose you?" His head moves – such a slight twist of the neck that I almost don't catch it. _No, of course you wouldn't._ "But you would happily reset the lives of thousands of innocent people and tear away their memories, without giving them a choice, without even considering an alternative?"

"There _is_ no alternative!"

A surge of anger rises in me, for this disgusting, hypocritical, foolish man, who clings onto his own past like a lifeline, and yet would rob an entire city of their lives, just because it's the easier option, the safer one. I've given up trying to reason with David, and I assess the situation - if I run for the box containing the Bureau's memory virus, I _will_ get shot, but unless it hits something vital, I might still make it. I decide it's worth the risk, and my muscles are already tensing in anticipation, when I hear someone scream, "_Tris_!" behind me, and David's eyes leave my face for just a heartbeat.

A heartbeat is all I need.

I lunge for the box that Matthew described – black, with a silver keypad and blue tape on the side - and punch in the code. Before my fingers can find the green button, David's attention is back on me and he shoots twice without hesitation. The first bullet buries itself just to the side of my navel; the second in my right arm – both miss my heart, which is where I'm sure David intended them to land – and even though I feel like my insides are on fire, I blink away the black dots in my vision and slam my hand down, releasing the virus. I feel another bullet sink into my shoulder, and I scream, and someone else screams – I think I hear Matthew's panicked cries amongst the chaos – and all of a sudden, the adrenaline rushes out of me and _everything_ hurts. The black dots in my periphery grow larger, and I sink to the ground, vaguely aware that my legs are shaking violently. David has stopped shooting me and is nursing a bullet wound to his hand instead, and then I know I must be close to death because Caleb materialises in front of me. "You're alive," I hear someone say – I think it might be me – and Caleb's mouth moves like he's trying to tell me something, but I can't hear, I can't hear, and I'm in so much pain that I stop fighting the overwhelming desire to sleep.

And I just let it all go.

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**A/N: **Alright, alright, before you all send me angry emails - just remember what I said in the last chapter. I wrote this because I was unhappy that Tris didn't make it in the original story, so it would make no sense for me to kill her off in my own version. Don't worry, she's not going anywhere! Please just bare with me, because the next chapter will be from Tobias' POV, so that will take some getting used to from a writing perspective :)

Please let me know what you thought of the chapter - feedback is always welcomed with open arms!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone who's read the story so far and a HUGE thank you and virtual hug to those of you who took the time to review the last two chapters and give me feedback.

This chapter was _extremely_ hard to write – not just because I had to tap into Tobias' head, but also because in order to do so, I had to read and re-read the scene where YOU-KNOW-WHAT happened over and over so that I could get a feel for what Tobias is like when he's grieving. Not exactly a fun thing to do, when all I want is to forget that the last few chapters in _Allegiant_ ever happened!

I hope I did him, and Tris, justice in this chapter!

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**Chapter 51: Tobias**

"_I have always hated the emptiness that winter brings, the blank landscape and the stark difference between sky and ground, the way it transforms trees into skeletons and the city into a wasteland. Maybe this winter I can be persuaded otherwise."_

_We drive past the fences and stop by the front doors, which are no longer manned by guards."_

The compound is eerily quiet and the only sound in the emptiness is the crunch of our feet as we tread through the snow. Something about the atmosphere unsettles me – _where are all the people?_ It's not until we walk past the security checkpoint that I notice a figure approaching us cautiously, the way someone would walk towards an armed attacker. As she comes closer, I see that it is Cara, but she isn't grinning with triumph like I pictured. Instead, she's wearing a bandage on her head and an agonized expression on her face.

She hesitates a short distance from where we stand, like she's afraid to come closer, and now I know what is wrong with this scene - or specifically, who is missing. Matthew, Caleb and Tris formed the team that would co-ordinate the explosions at the vault, and two of them were supposed to come back. I get the feeling that's not how things turned out - something has gone very, very wrong.

Cara stops moving, and I see that she is wringing her hands nervously – something I have never seen her do – and she won't look at me in the eye. Then she takes a deep breath, and says three words. Only three words, but they are enough to shatter my world.

"Four...it's Tris."

I think I've stopped breathing.

"_What _did you say_?_" Christina grabs Cara by the arm and squeezes it so hard that when she lets go, the impression of her fingers remain.

Cara opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, trying to find the right words, the ones that will sting the least. "Tris went into the Weapons lab instead of Caleb-"

"She did _what_?" Christina screeches, squeezing her hands into fists so that she looks like she's about to punch someone. Knowing her, she's probably hurt and angry enough to do just that.

"Let me finish," Cara continues wearily. "She somehow managed to fight off the death serum and release the virus. But she got shot in the process. Several times."

"Is she-"

"Dead? No. But-" Cara bites down on her lip, unable to continue. _But she might as well be_, is what is implied.

I take one look at Christina and know that she's not going to hold it together for much longer. The same thought must occur to Zeke, because despite the fact that he's only really here for Uriah, he gives her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. It strikes me as strange, what we have become, what these rebellions have turned us into. We are not soldiers, or rebels – we are counsellors, constantly pushing aside our own grief to help our friends through theirs. Maybe there is some Abnegation in all of us.

We follow Cara through endless hallways. I try not to think of what I'll find when she stops walking. All too soon – or maybe not soon enough, I can't decide – Cara halts and I'm so lost in my thoughts that I nearly collide with her. She gestures to a room a little further down, which has an observation window just like Uriah's.

Nobody makes a move – it's like everyone's deciding whether their need to see Tris outweighs their fear of what lies ahead. I clench and unclench my fist a couple of times, and force my feet forward. It must have taken Tris an overwhelming amount of bravery to put her life on the line. What I'm about to face is nothing, compared to that.

I'm not really sure what I was expecting to see, but when I look through the window, I have to stop myself from turning away and running in the other direction; pretend that I didn't see what I just saw. Tris lies on the hospital bed, but she isn't _my_ Tris – not the laughing, hot-headed Tris I left behind yesterday, who was always moving, always in the thick of the action somehow. This Tris lies motionless, her eyes closed, surrounded by machines with numbers and readings I can't understand, a tangle of wires jutting out of her veins like extensions of her arms. An image of Uriah flashes across my mind, the word '_unplugged_' is there, too, but I push the thought away, push it down with the rising panic that forms a lump in my throat, making it hard to breathe.

I open the door and walk inside, ignoring the fact that Caleb is here. If I focus on him for too long, I might punch him in the face. Tris is so small that the bed seems to swallow her up – someone has thoughtfully pulled the blanket up to her chin, so I can't evaluate how much damage has been done to her body. I move closer and rest my hand on her cheek, as if touching her might help me understand why she chose to take her brother's place. After what happened at Erudite headquarters, Tris swore that she wouldn't be reckless with her life again, and I believed her. I know that the girl that stood before me yesterday believed it, too. So what made her change her mind?

"She's quite remarkable, you know," Matthew says, and it's such an unexpected comment that I'm too shocked to reply. "I mean, in terms of the death serum. I've never seen anything like it!"

I scowl at him. "So what, you want to run some more tests on her? Find out if she's got a genetic marker for protecting useless big brothers?"

Caleb winces, which is a big mistake, because it draws my attention back to him. My resolve breaks in about five seconds flat and I grab him by the collar of his shirt. "How could you let her go in for you? You failed her _again_. I hope you live the rest of your life with _that_ hanging over your hea-"

"Four, stop." Cara's voice is gentle, and I let her pull my hand away. "Caleb fought off the guards that were coming after Tris by himself, and then he shot David. If he hadn't found Tris in time, she would have bled to death."

I eye him suspiciously, unconvinced. "How did you know you'd make it through the death serum?"

"I didn't. I didn't care – all I knew was that I couldn't watch her die because I was too weak to protect her. Not again."

Matthew adds, "Luckily, the serum had dissipated by the time Caleb got there."

I decide to let it go for the moment. "So what, exactly, is wrong with Tris?"

"She was unconscious when Caleb found her, and when we brought her back to the hospital, she had to be put under some general anaesthetic so that we could remove the bullets. We've had to give her some pain medication as well, of course, so she's pretty heavily sedated right now."

Christina hazards a question, probably the only one that matters. "So...she's going to be okay when she wakes up?"

Matthew's face crumples in response, and I brace myself for the answer. "We know that she fought off the initial effects of the serum, but we're not sure if it's affected her in any other way. You're not really supposed to survive it-" again, I detect a hint of awe in his voice, "so we have to wait until she wakes up to assess the extent of the damage."

I slump into the seat next to Tris' bed. This day has been far too long, and my brain hasn't quite caught up with everything that's happened yet. Everyone seems to understand that I need some time alone with her, and they trickle out slowly until eventually, it's just the two of us. Alone at last, but worlds apart.

I fall asleep at some point and wake up a little later, slightly disorientated. Tris is still sleeping peacefully and I wonder if she's dreaming about the world that we promised her, a world where it no longer meant anything to be Divergent, to be genetically pure. A world where she could guarantee the safety of her loved ones. I let my fingers run along the contours of her face, willing her to come back to me.

As if answering my thoughts, her eyelids flutter open, and I squeeze her hand to make sure that this is real, that my exhaustion isn't just playing tricks on my mind. "Tris?"

She blinks a couple of times, her eyes slightly glazed over as she tries to make sense of her surroundings. "Tobias." She squeezes out the sound like it's hurting her. The expression on her face is worrying me - I had imagined that she'd look a little more pleased, finding out that she's alive and that I'm here with her. As soon as I have the thought, I want to kick myself – she's just been hauled back from the brink of death, and here I am expecting her to leap out of bed at the sight of me.

The first thing she says just makes me more confused. "I'm sorry, Tobias. I'm so, so sorry."

I bring her hand to my lips and kiss her fingers gently. "I'm not really sure what you're apologising for, but given the circumstances, I think I forgive you." I crack a smile, trying to make light of the situation.

"I – I didn't mean to leave you again. It's just, I couldn't let him - even after all he's done, he's still my brother, and I love him. And I thought you would understand, after what you said."

"What I said?"

"That if someone is sacrificing themself because they love you, you should let them. And I do, I love Caleb, and I love you. Can you understand that? I couldn't let either of you live in a world where people decided your worth based on your genes, where our leaders could strip you of your memories without hesitation."

I'm speechless. She threw herself into the Weapons Lab to protect the people she loved and nearly died for it, and the one thing troubling her is that I'd misunderstand her actions as an act of abandonment? There's not much I can say in response, so I don't. Instead, I grab her face in my hands and kiss her.

When I pull away, Tris is frowning, and I'm worried I've hurt her. "Tobias," she says slowly, drawing out the syllables in my name like she's forgotten how to say it, "I can't move."

"Didn't know my kissing was _that_ bad," I smile to let her know I'm joking, but the look on her face stops me cold.

"No, Tobias. I can't move. _I can't feel anything._"

For the second time that day, I feel like time has stood still, and my world has collapsed in on itself.

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**A/N: **What did you guys think of this chapter? I know I could have just made her wake up, perfectly alright, and they'd all live happily every after, but for some reason that never seemed believable to me. The fact that Tris survived the death serum in the book was already pretty hard for me to believe - it makes her seem invincible. So I had to give this a more realistic feel somehow. Don't worry though, I've still got a few things up my sleeve, so there's a chance she might not be a paraplegic for life ;)

I'd love to hear your comments and thoughts for this chapter (especially because it's my first time writing from Tobias' POV) and any suggestions for how I can improve my writing in the coming chapters! Thanks for all your support so far :)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **This chapter was _unbelievably_ hard to write. I'm not really sure why, but I had a harder time connecting with Tobias in this chapter than I did with the previous one. Also, because I'm a health science student and also a touch OCD about my writing, I had to do a bit of research to make sure that the technical aspects (you'll see what I mean later) were accurate (or at least as close to accurate as I could make them, given that I didn't really have time to look into it extensively.)

Thank you all so, so much for your support – I honestly wouldn't have been motivated enough to finish this chapter if it wasn't for all of you! :)

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**Chapter 52: Tobias**

I don't even know what time it is, but I tear myself off the chair in Tris' room and run back to the hotel to find Caleb and Cara. It's probably too early to be waking them up, but I'm so numb I don't even care. There's a part of me that believes if I push myself to run fast enough, I can outrun the truth and tomorrow when we wake up, none of this will be real. Tris will lean out of bed and run her fingers through my hair, telling me that it's getting too long now. She'll steal bits of my breakfast while I'm not looking. She won't be paralysed. She won't.

I sort through my memories and picture her climbing the Ferris wheel, jumping off the train, throwing knives at targets, running along the paths in the Pit. Always alive with movement. Then I try to imagine what it would be like, not to be able to experience those things again, to have that choice stolen from you. I've never had cause to think about it before, but now I realise that there's a big difference between being alive and actually _living_.

Either by instinct or purely by chance, my feet somehow find their way to the hotel room. I locate Caleb's bed easily and shake him roughly by the shoulders, barely even giving myself a chance to feel guilty about it. "Caleb, wake up! Tris is-" I stumble on the word 'paralysed' and say instead, "She can't move. She can't feel or move anything below her neck."

"What?" His voice is flat as he rubs the sleep from his eyes and I'm reminded that this has been a hard day for him, too. Maybe I should tone down the accusatory edge to my voice a little.

I don't even have to wake Cara – she's already up, her eyes bright and alert. "I'll go get Matthew. We'll meet you back in Tris' room." She pauses on her way out to rouse Christina gently.

Tris doesn't react when I return – she just fixes her gaze on the ceiling without acknowledging our presence and none of us can think of anything to say that wouldn't make the situation worse, so we just hover awkwardly around the room, waiting for Cara. It's not long before she bursts through the door, dragging Matthew behind her. I assume that Cara has explained everything to him on the way, but he looks like he's still stuck halfway between exhaustion and disbelief.

As soon as he's through the door, I ask him, "Why can't she move?" It's hard to mask the anger in my voice, even though I know he's as much to blame as any of us.

Matthew just shrugs his shoulders in defeat and looks at Caleb helplessly. It must be the result of spending too much time surrounded by Erudite minds, but I recognise the expression on Caleb's face – he's studying Tris critically, like he's trying to fit together a puzzle and she's the last piece. "Well are you going to tell us, or am I going to have to re-break your nose?"

Caleb jumps and eyes me nervously. Good, he _should_ be scared.

He doesn't need me to remind him again, pausing only for a second to organise his thoughts. "I've studied the death serum before," he admits. "My theory is that the serum contains two components – one sends you into a simulation-type state and attempts to lull you into sleep, which Tris managed to fight off. The other part is a virus that attacks your sensory and motor nerves – once the muscles that help you breathe stop working, you die. There's a chance that Tris' Divergent genes gave her a degree of resistance to the virus, so they still damaged her system, but nowhere near to the extent that they could have."

Christina stares at Caleb with her mouth open and her expression is so comical that I might have been tempted to laugh, under different circumstances. For a while, no one moves, and the silence drags on until it starts to become uncomfortable. Eventually, Cara folds her arms and nods in agreement. "It _does_ make sense."

Almost at the exact same time, we all turn to look at Tris, who is still acting like nothing has happened. I start to consider the possibility that she's gone into a state of shock - so much has happened to her today, that maybe the only way her brain knows how to cope is to shut itself down and block everything out. Christina takes a few cautious steps forward, and slides herself onto the edge of Tris' bed, careful not to jostle her. "Hey. It's ok, you know. It doesn't matter what happens – we won't love you any less."

I don't think it's the best comment to make, but at least it provokes Tris enough to make her angry. And angry is better than nothing at all. "It matters to _me_, okay? I can't be Dauntless in a wheelchair."

"Since when was bravery about how you moved?" I counter. Tris opens her mouth to protest, but I don't give her the chance. "Exactly. It isn't. Bravery isn't how fast you can run, or how accurately you can shoot. It's about your strength of character. And last time I checked, throwing yourself into a cloud of death serum vapour to protect the people you love is one of the most courageous things _anyone_ could possibly do, Dauntless or not."

"Besides," Cara adds, "you're no longer bound by the limits of your faction. You're not Dauntless, or Abnegation, or Divergent. You're just Tris. You can be whatever and _whoever_ you want to be."

Tris goes back to scowling at the ceiling, but her response doesn't seem to faze Christina, who has never been the sort of person to avoid difficult questions or situations – she just throws herself into the deep end and deals with the consequences later. It's something that annoys me more often than not but today, I'm thankful for her brashness, because it pushes her to ask Caleb the one question everyone else is too afraid to bring up. "So what's happened to Tris...can you reverse it?"

Caleb takes his time to put together an answer – it's not the sort of question you take lightly. "Theoretically, yes. We know that the serum contains a virus – if we can find something that destroys the virus, the nerve cells will repair themselves."

I'm all too aware that we shouldn't be having this conversation in front of Tris, because although it might be giving her hope, it could all amount to nothing – and she's already had too much false hope in her life. Even so, I can't resist asking Caleb one last thing, though I'm not positive I want to hear the answer. "And do you think you have what it takes to find this 'something'?" It ends up coming out more like a challenge than a question.

If Caleb notices my tone, he doesn't let on. "Jeanine knew David had an inoculation against the death serum, and she didn't like that he chose to withhold it from the faction leaders. She thought it was their right to have access to it, so when he refused her, she started working on an antidote to the serum. I guess that's just how her mind worked - if her pride was hurt, she retaliated with spite. When she died, she'd just finished making the first test batch of the antidotes."

Christina glares at him. I guess she doesn't like to be reminded of the fact that not too long ago, Caleb was working alongside the woman who mind-controlled an entire faction, and nearly destroyed another. In Christina's books, that probably amounts to joint responsibility for Will's death. "And how come _you_ know so much about it?"

Caleb smiles, but his eyes are dark. "Because I was the one who helped her make it."

* * *

For the next couple of weeks, Tris refuses to speak to any of us. Matthew gives up trying to persuade her to eat after the first two days and resorts to pumping nutrition through one of the lines in her arms. Even though Caleb is confident that he can replicate the formula for the antidote without Jeanine's notes, I think Tris is too scared to put much faith in it. She'd never admit it, but I know there was a part of her that hoped her parents were still alive somehow, after meeting Amar. The disappointment when she realised she was wrong must have been crushing, so that level of hope isn't something she's likely to subject herself to again.

We take turns watching over her, in case anything goes wrong. I start to get a sense of how Tris felt when I refused to accept her reassurances that my 'damaged' status didn't change who I was, and couldn't change how she felt about me. There's also a part of me that wants to tell her I know how it feels, to explain to her that when Matthew told me my Divergence was just a result of a genetic glitch, I felt like an imposter in my own body. Like I didn't even know who I was anymore, without that part of my identity. But I don't say anything; I don't pretend that being told you're genetically damaged is the same thing as finding out you've lost the ability to control your own body.

I think sometimes, being physically present for someone does more for them than words of comfort. We avoid saying things like 'It's going to be okay' and 'It'll all work out' because really, statements like that are just empty promises – we have no way of knowing if they're actually true. Instead, we just let her grieve in silence without ever straying far, in case she needs us.

So I stay with her, and I wait. And slowly, Tris comes back to us, piece by piece – a smile here, a comment there. She still won't let anyone help her with food, but she starts talking and asking questions – about how our city is rebuilding itself, how my mother is settling into life here, how the Bureau members are recovering after having their memories altered. One day, she asks if I'll take her to the control room with the screens so she can see the progress that Johanna and the other elected leaders are making for herself.

Here's the thing – everyone often has grand ideas of what it means to be brave. But Tris has taught me that bravery isn't always raucous and confronting. It's not always about having the least amount of fears, or fighting someone stronger than you, or being able to wield a gun.

There's also bravery in the small act of waking up each morning, not knowing what lies on the other side of the day. We are all born brave – the difference is whether or not we choose to act on it.

* * *

**A/N: **All right guys, the next chapter will be the last one before the epilogue! I'd love to hear your feedback about the things you liked about this chapter and/or what you thought I could have done better. I appreciate every single one of your reviews and I take them all seriously!

Thank you for sticking by me so far and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :) I'll be working hard to post the final chapter + epilogue within the next few days!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **First of all, I just wanted to thank you all for being so patient with me – I know I said I'd try to get this chapter up a couple of days after the last one, but I didn't plan on getting a huge writer's block on top of two assessments as well. A big hug and thank you again to everyone who's stuck with the story so far – you guys are my rock! :)

Ok, here's where I take a few creative liberties – I'm a pharmacy student, _not_ a neuroscientist or pathologist. So while I've found out that your periphereal neurons _do_ have some capacity to regenerate, I'm not entirely sure how long this process takes or the extent to which it occurs. So for the purposes of this story, please switch off the Erudite part of your brain and just enjoy the chapter for what it is ;)

* * *

**Chapter 53: Tris**

After Caleb explains what the death serum has done to me, I have the kind of thoughts that would have disgusted our parents. More than once, I catch myself thinking that _this_ – this not moving, not feeling – is a fate worse than death. Are my friends really better off with me here, as a lifelong reminder that in my act of sacrifice, I gave them a part of me they can never return? I'm not certain they are.

Tobias is the only one who seems to understand my simultaneous need for solitude and company. He doesn't offer me comfort or reassurances; accepting that at least for now, his presence is enough. Every night, when he thinks I've fallen asleep, he lets his fingers explore my face again, like he's trying to commit my hollow cheeks and sharp angles to memory. In those moments, I try not to think about what will happen to us if Caleb doesn't succeed.

To her credit, Christina gives me a full three weeks of privacy before she finally caves, bursting into my room one afternoon and startling Tobias, who has just come back from a shower. She looks like she's having some sort of internal debate with herself about whether or not it's a good idea to do whatever it is that she's about to do and spends a full minute chewing her lip to pieces before finally asking Tobias, "Can I have a moment with her?"

Judging by the slight upward curve of his lips, it hasn't escaped his notice that Christina is slightly edgier than usual, but Tobias makes no comment as he walks out, leaving the two of us alone in silence. Christina is resilient, honest and loyal, and these are the traits I have always admired most about her, but one thing she has _never_ been good at is keeping things to herself. So it's no surprise that as soon as the door clicks shut and Tobias is out of earshot, she gets straight to the point.

"You said I'd never lose you." I can see that she's struggling to keep things light, but her voice catches and she has to pause to steady herself before continuing. "You said that, and you went in anyway. Did you ever think what it would do to me – to all of us – if you'd died?"

Her question catches me off guard. No, I hadn't really considered that. I'd thought of Tobias, of course, of how he'd react if he came back from the city to find me gone forever. Every time I picture the look on his face, I feel sick.

Had I thought about my friends, or of my brother? No. And for the first time, I do – I think about Caleb, and how my death would have been another weight of guilt on him, compounded by all the other times he's failed me, how he would have to struggle through the rest of his life with the accusations that he'd let his sister die without even putting up a fight. I think of Christina, who barely had enough time to grieve for one friend, before she lost the next. And Cara, who has just begun to see me as more than the person who killed her brother.

All these people, I'd been willing to give up in just a heartbeat. I, more than anyone else, should have realised how hard it is to be the one left behind. At the same time, I think I understand better now, how my parents felt when they put their lives on the line to save us. Sometimes, it's possible that your love for someone can run so deep, you'll do whatever it takes to give them a shot at a better life, even if it's at the expense of your own. And that's how I know - despite everything that's happened, I don't regret the choices that led me here.

How can I make Christina understand?

She takes my silence the wrong way, and I can see her hands shaking as she says in a tight voice, "God, Tris, I can't understand you. You risked your life to save us and now that we're all safe, you won't even look us in the eye. Do you want us here or not?"

She doesn't give me the chance to answer, stomping away from me as loudly as her slight frame will let her. Before Christina leaves, she pauses at the door, long enough for me to see that she's on the verge of tears. "The Tris _I_ knew wouldn't have let this defeat her."

She slams the door, and I'm left alone with my thoughts. I know Christina is right, and I haven't been fair to any of them. I also know that, just like she said, I _am _strong enough to overcome this. A lot of people died fighting for this day; for a future that they never lived to see. I think it's about time I honour that sacrifice.

* * *

I ask Tobias to help me find Christina, and it takes him a whole week to convince her to see me. When she finally _does_ agree, she arrives at my room looking like she can't decide whether she wants to punch me in the face or hug me.

It's a struggle to find the right words to say, but I figure an apology would be a good start. "I'm sorry, Christina." I draw in a deep breath, letting the motion calm me. "It was stupid of me not to realise how lucky I am to be here, paraplegic or not, and I wasn't being fair to any of you."

Christina's face softens, and she seats herself next to me on the bed. "I'm sorry too, Tris. It's just – I couldn't understand why you refused to see that none of this changes how we feel about you. And it shouldn't change the way you feel about yourself."

I grin at her, even though the movement feels strange – smiling isn't something I've done a lot of, lately. "And to answer your question about the Weapons Lab situation - in my defence, I had a pretty good track record with serums, and I didn't exactly plan on David being there."

Christina laughs and hits me on the arm. "I can't believe you can joke about this! I'm being serious!"

"And I'm _seriously_ considering how I'm going to get back at you for taking advantage of me while I'm paralysed. Just because I can't feel, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, you know, _emotionally_."

Her face becomes grim again. "Look, Tris. I know you did what you had to do, and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing if it had been me. It's just...you're one of the last friends I have left, and I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you, too."

"I know. I know, and I'm sorry."

Her lip is still quivering, but she smiles anyway and just like that, she's my best friend again. "Alright, Tris, I _guess_ I can forgive you for trying to save our lives and nearly dying in the process."

Christina hugs me and I hear my laughs fill in the spaces between hers. I suppose it must be hard to hold a grudge against someone when deep down, you're honestly just glad that they're alive.

* * *

Tobias doesn't come back until much later in the day. When he stumbles through the door, half a slice of bread hanging from his mouth, I tell him, "You're right, you know."

He stops dead in his tracks and makes a big show of dropping his food in surprise - I haven't had a proper conversation with him since the day I woke up. I couldn't avoid asking him a few questions here and there about how things turned out after the incident in the Weapons Lab, but I know he could tell I was only half there when I was talking to him. He feigns ignorance, and the look on his face is just so _normal_, that it makes me ache for the days when we could be free with each other, before all of this happened.

"About what?"

"You _know_ what, Tobias."

He lowers himself next to me on the bed and grins. It's been awhile since I've seen Tobias happy. "Come on, I want to hear you say it."

"You're right," I repeat. "My ability to walk doesn't define who I am – _I _define who I am. I'm not saying that being paralysed won't..._complicate_ things. But I have a choice about how I want to let it affect me. And so long as I'm still making really bad, reckless decisions, that sometimes lead to good things, I still have a decent shot at being Tris."

People don't seem to realise that your identity is half what others see you as, and half what you think of yourself. It took me a long time to figure that out, too. Now that I have, I understand that restricting my ability to move changes nothing about who I am. All the things that I thought mattered, all of the activities I could no longer perform – running, zip-lining, fighting – were just manifestations of my personality. Being paralysed and no longer able to do the things I used to doesn't change the fact that I'm still the girl who would die fighting for the people I love.

The faction system failed to categorise me because I couldn't conform to the moulds that my society created. Even my Divergence didn't fit into the textbook definition.

Why? Because I alone have the power to shape my identity.

Tobias is giving me a look that I don't know quite what to make of. He shakes his head and leans forward, touching his lips to my forehead. "Well, I'm not sure that's _exactly _what I said. But we can pretend I did, if it makes you happy."

"I also realised something else."

"What?"

I'm glad he can't see the look on my face when I say, "It's a good thing I don't need my arms and legs to kiss you."

* * *

With Cara and Matthew's help, it takes Caleb just over two months to reproduce Jeanine's antidote. I haven't seen him since the night Tobias dragged him from the hotel room, demanding to know what was wrong with me. When I _do_ see him, he looks so terrible I have to bite my lip to stop from crying out – his eyes are bloodshot and rimmed with dark circles, and I don't think he's touched a comb in weeks.

If he's exhausted, he does a good job at hiding it, though – his face is lit up with excitement and when he starts to explain how the antidote is going to work, he talks so fast that the words run together and I have to tell him to slow down. "You'll need three doses of the antidote, and then I'll have to do a blood test to make sure we've successfully removed the virus from your system. I have to warn you though – even if the antidote works, it could take over a year for your nerves to regenerate. And then you'll have to retrain your muscles again, because you've been stationary for so long."

In the past couple of months, I have witnessed people do terrible things, fuelled by greed, lust, and vengeance. But I have also seen enough to know that the some of the greatest and most powerful acts were those motivated by love, and as I watch my brother remove the antidote from its box and inject the liquid into my arm, I know beyond a shadow of doubt that he will get me through this.

* * *

**A/N: **The next chapter will be the epilogue, which I want to set 2 years after this whole kerfuffle. My finals are coming up, so I'll try to write and upload it as soon as I can, but don't be surprised if it doesn't turn up within the next couple of days! :)

Please let me know what you thought of this chapter - this whole switching POV's thing is trickier than I thought! I love and appreciate all your reviews! :D


	6. Epilogue

**A/N: **Here it is, guys, the last chapter! I just wanted to take a moment to say a few thank yous to some amazing people that made the journey of writing this alternate ending really special!

Firstly, to everyone who read the story and reviewed – you don't know how much I appreciate your kind words! A special thanks and huge virtual hug to ashray4 and Allie1146 for leaving a review on every single chapter – you guys are my rock! Big hug also to xxForeverADreamxx for your lovely reviews on the last few chapters as well :)

Secondly, thank you to ChibiRealm, for giving amazing feedback on my stories and for becoming someone that I can discuss anything Divergent-related (and even some not-Divergent related stuff!) with. You have definitely given me plenty of food for thought this past month!

And finally – thank you to my best friend Steffi, for being the reason that I wrote this ending in the first place, and for your constant support and patience while I took my time fleshing out the chapters. You're the best and I'm glad I had you to share the traumatic _Allegiant_ experience with!

To everyone who's taken the time to read my writing – I hope I do you all justice and that this last chapter makes you happier than the original version! :)

* * *

**Epilogue: Tris**

I reach our meeting place just as the sun is rising, with Tobias' note folded into my palm.

_The Ferris wheel, at dawn._

_-4_

I can tell he's not here yet, so I lean against the door of an empty building and wait, keeping the looming silhouette of the Ferris wheel in sight. After the incident at the Bureau, Johanna was quick to negotiate an agreement with David's government and form a new board of representatives for Chicago. Tobias told me when his mother stood down, one of her conditions for surrender was that the citizens would be allowed to vote for their new leaders, and Johanna stayed true to her word. In the months that followed, she recruited a group of volunteers – mainly former Abnegation members, unsurprisingly – to help rebuild the old factionless quarters and merge them with the rest of the city. This is one of the only areas that has been left untouched.

It's not unusual that Tobias was awake early enough to slip his note through my apartment door unnoticed – it's been four years now, but the nightmares don't get easier for either of us. In a strange way, I'm glad. It reminds us that we didn't always have the luxury of waking up each morning, knowing the people we loved were safe and happy.

I hear him before I see him. Even after all this time, Tobias still keeps to the shadows when he moves, out of habit. He has a backpack slung haphazardly over one shoulder, which instantly sends my heart racing – in the past, every time Tobias has appeared armed with a bag, it's usually been followed in quick succession with some sort of elaborate plan, either involving kissing, near-death experiences, or a combination of both. He reaches me before I can figure out what he's up to and pulls me in for a long, deep kiss. When we break away, he grins and curls his fingers around mine, tugging me back towards the Ferris wheel.

The realisation comes just as we reach the base of the wheel, where the ladder starts. "You're kidding me."

Tobias responds by slipping his arm through the remaining strap of his bag, securing it tightly on his shoulders and pretending to busy himself with testing the rungs for security. He shifts his stance so that he faces away from me, but not before I catch the look of amusement on his face. If I had doubts before, there aren't any now – he is _definitely _up to something. "For God's sake, Tobias, what is so important that you have to wait until we're fifty metres off the ground to tell me?"

Again, he ignores my question, simply gesturing for me to get on first. "Fine. _I'm_ not the one afraid of heights." It's an unnecessarily mean-spirited comment, but his evasiveness is starting to get on my nerves. I haul myself onto the ladder and begin climbing up slowly, feeling Tobias' hands graze my ankles every now and again as he catches the rungs beneath me. By the time we reach the first platform, I can hear his breaths coming out in loud gasps. The dizzying height has wiped any traces of mirth clean from his face, and a pang of guilt chides me for my cruel remark about his fear.

We take a moment to catch our breath, and then Tobias sets down his backpack and begins pulling out containers of food. His face betrays no emotion as he arranges them in the space between us, and my lips are already forming the question, when he removes the last item. A bread roll, woven into a figure eight to symbolise infinity.

There are few occasions that the Abnegation celebrate – to be precise, only three. Initiation is the largest ceremony that Abnegation allows, and that is only because it's seen as a sign of community. The other two are usually conducted in private, amongst the company of relatives and in rare instances, in the presence of close friends. I haven't witnessed either of them, but I'm sure I've heard enough about both to recognise one if I saw it.

As Tobias places the bread on the plate directly in front of me, everything clicks into place. "Is this- Are you- Are we _getting married?_"

He raises his eyes to meet mine, and suddenly, we're back on the train to Amity headquarters, and he is the boy wondering how to tell his girlfriend that he loves her for the first time. "I've been thinking about this for a while." Of course he has. "You know me better than anyone else. In some ways, better than I know myself. I've given you everything I have – except this. This is the last part of me, and now I want to give it to you." He pauses, and his uncertainty fills the air between us. "I know we're still young, but what does it matter if I do this in one year, or two years, or ten? It will still be you. It will _always _be you."

I don't trust myself to speak, so instead, I grab a fistful of Tobias' grey t-shirt, pulling him closer and kissing him so forcefully that when we stop, we're both gasping for air. He turns to retrieve the backpack and begins rummaging around in it for something else. "Any final questions before we go ahead with this? This is your last chance to back out – if you discover later that I'm a psychopath, it's not my fault."

"Only one." Tobias raises his eyebrows. "_Where_ did you get all of this? As far as I know, there's only one family in Abnegation that makes this bread, and they-" I trail off, not quite able to finish the sentence. _They died in Jeanine's attack_.

"Well, turns out I have to revoke my conclusion that your brother's good for nothing, after all."

"You got _Caleb_ involved in this?"

"Well, I had to ask _someone_ permission for your hand in marriage." He takes out a metal bowl and a small knife from his bag, balancing the latter in the palm of his right hand.

I frown at him, confused. "I don't remember this being part of the Abnegation ceremony."

"It's not. It's Dauntless. Well, almost – technically speaking, there are supposed to be coals burning in the bowl, but I thought that might be a bit impractical, given where we are."

"And it never occurred to you that we could just do this, you know, _not_ on the Ferris wheel?"

"This was where we were first alone together. And I thought it was important to acknowledge both the faction that gave birth to us, and the one that united us." He drags the knife across his palm and passes it to me. I do the same and then we press our hands together, holding them over the metal bowl. Tobias recites the Dauntless vows and I mouth the few words that I know with him.

When we're done, he leans across the bowl and touches his lips to mine, so gentle that for a second I think I've imagined it. I return his kiss with a little more insistence and he pulls away, laughing.

"What?" I say, somewhat defensively.

"I just think...maybe we should do this with both feet on the ground."

* * *

Evelyn was appointed by David as a liaison officer not long after she left – it was his way of bridging the gap between the government outside the city's limits and Chicago's new council members. She was the one that started Commemoration Day. In theory, it's supposed to be a celebration of our peaceful existence, and a tribute to the sacrifices of our friends, family and neighbours – the ones that got us here. But I know it also serves as a warning. I know it's also a chance for them to say – do not repeat the mistakes that brought down our city and divided our people.

Today marks the four-year anniversary, and our friends are waiting for us at the Hancock building, as usual. It's tradition for us to start our celebrations with zip-lining, and last year, I managed to coax Caleb into a sling for the first time. Tobias still refuses to join us, opting to wait at the bottom for the first person to come down, but I'm determined that this will be the year he changes his mind.

By the time we arrive, everyone has already gathered at the base of the building and Zeke is telling a story that sends Christina into fits of laughter while Shauna sinks into her wheelchair, shaking her head in amusement. Caleb and Matthew finished designing a set of mechanical legs for her two months ago, but she still can't stand on them too long before her muscles ache.

Caleb spots us first and raises a hand in greeting – he's standing a little too close to Cara, so that when he brings his hand back down, it brushes against hers and they both spring apart like they've been electrocuted. Physical affection wasn't really an Abnegation trait, and I kind of figure it wouldn't be common practice amongst the Erudite either.

Christina rolls her eyes. "Honestly, how old are you guys? _Everyone_ at the labs know you've got the hots for each other." Cara has an indignant expression on her face, but the blush rising in her cheeks just spurs Christina on. "If you want to kiss, just go ahead and do it already. It's not like we haven't seen it before." At this, she shoots a pointed look at Tobias, who is standing with his hand on the small of my back. He just shrugs away the comment, unfazed.

Caleb clears his throat and changes the topic quickly. "So, who's staying at the bottom this year?"

Tobias steps forward, and at the same time, Caleb and I say, "Not you."

"Come on,_ Four_," Caleb continues, "You, of all people, should have cause to celebrate today." That gets everyone's attention, and he smiles triumphantly. The past few years have turned Caleb and Tobias into almost-friends, although it was only begrudgingly at first. It doesn't mean they don't still enjoy making each other squirm the first chance they get.

Christina narrows her eyes suspiciously at us. "What's he talking about?"

Patience is definitely not one of Christina's virtues, and we're going to the fringe tomorrow to help with a mass relocation – it's a long trip, and if I don't tell her now, she's going to spend the whole time grilling me anyway. I direct an imploring look at Tobias, but he just scratches the back of his neck, clearly as uncomfortable with the attention as I am. The movement catches Zeke's attention though, and he flicks his eyes back and forth between the twin marks on our left palms. "No way. No. Way."

"No way, what?" Christina throws her hands up in frustration. "Is someone going to tell me what's going on?"

Zeke breaks into a grin that looks too big for his face and claps Tobias on the shoulder, laughing. "Well done." Then, because Christina looks like she's about to shoot someone, he adds, "These two just got married."

We're lost in the hugs and questions and congratulations of our friends, and I know that I will keep this memory close – this feeling of being loved and needed and above all, safe. If I have learnt anything, it's that our lives are fragile, and any time we have with the people we love is a blessing.

It feels like a lifetime ago that I thought bravery was about being fearless. Now I know it's really about our choices. It's choosing not to let regret and grief stop us from moving forward. It's acknowledging that every goodbye we say could be our last, and choosing to live anyway.

I won't forget that.

* * *

**A/N: **So that's it, guys! Please let me know your thoughts on this final chapter – is there anything you would've done differently? Anything else you would have liked to see in the ending? :) I hope I did you all proud!


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